joy & sorrow

i discussed this matter earlier, yet this one deserves to be repeated like a mantra, as people to whom i communicate do not tire to remind me of this with lack of smiles on their mind.

there are things we fear. there are deep secrets we do not share with anyone. they are but guidelines to what is holding us. these are great symptoms of attachments, habits we've built up so far.

so, what to do about them? in my experience shock gives best results and almost in all cases guaranteed results. how? start telling truth. always. i did that late winter night in 2004. one of the things that helped me most. it is very difficult in the beginning. it is painful. now it's natural and peaceful.

what do you fear most? confront it. face to face. have control over it. teach your mind to have no fear. if it's harmful in reality, this can be done with imagination. results in this case are not so dramatic, yet fine in place in most cases.


to deal with the self we have to cut the strongest of its roots. enough reading. go practice.

good luck.
mickael

smile!

if we'd recall recognised teachers of the present or images of teachers of the past, absolute most of them, if not all, wear a smile most time. why? this is a reflection of their mind, an exercise to keep the mind that way and an invitation to all who need help.

the mind will not learn to be peaceful and smiling if not trained that way this very moment. thus, smile every moment and let that smile be sincere. :)

good luck.
mickael

AI

artificial intelligence, namely neuron network systems, is one of areas of my professional expertise. what's a neuron network? roughly, it's a mathematical model of a brain. if someone is interested in the technical side of the question, please ask me for directions. what matters for today post is that neuron network, or a brain for that matter, is a determined mathematical function of certain complexity. the complexity is such, that if we take human brain, even the fastest supercomputer will have trouble processing the function.

so, what's about it? function of a neuron network is not self awareness, depression, blue sky and green grass, etc. the only function of a neuron network is approximation, i.e. learning to give certain output on certain input. any output can be taught on any input. self awareness for example is not required at all in approximation; moreover, it eats up damn lot of calculation power giving more obstacles in approximation than benefits. yet, self awareness is what we are taught from birth.

so, what are we supposed to learn from that? two things at least:
1. we merely are a learning function. if we take control of the input and the output, we can literally reach any results.
2. we are what we teach ourselves or let ourselves be taught.


sorry for all the boring technical stuff today. :)

good luck.
mickael

denial and the saint

we all know of 'good'. it opposes 'evil' and always wins in fairy tales. sometimes it does not in the world we call 'real'. all of us seek to be 'good'. like: 'i meditated for 5 hours today, i'm good'; 'i comprehended that concept, damn i'm good'; 'i put that bastard into place, i did well'; 'i've beaten crap out of him/her, i'm good'. we all got that concept of 'good', though some might view some of our actions as evil. what is the origin of that concept? where does it come from?

i wondered about this matter for some time and it appears to come down to abraham & saint paul. quite likely these are two people who influenced this civilisation the most. communities not touched by ideas started by them are very few.

so, what's about the ideas? they dictate certain rules. these rules indeed are very useful in organising people, that's why the ideas are so successful, yet these same ideas are one of the major limitations on the path.

what if i'm an atheist? name matters little. i was born and lived in the soviet union, an atheist state. it was atheist in name and quite aramic in views and policy. same goes for 'secular' laws in all the 'educated west'.

so, what's so bad about them? nothing. yet they divide this world unto us and them, good and evil. this division is so subtle and taught so deeply that few even think that it might be the case. 'i'm just doing a good thing'.

there is no distinction between most decorated saint, most bloody villain and any of us. yet, we all seem to rather associate with saints than villains. :) duality is our thought. this is what we heard first and during all our life.


so, what's the point today? denial. to be free we have to deny every single one of our thoughts. yet, to do this we have to comprehend the most fundamental trends that drive our thoughts. otherwise these trends drive our thoughts the familiar paths.

good luck.
mickael

nothing special

how often do we hear 'buddha', 'sakyamuni', 'teacher', etc. how often do we hear how great these people were or are, what kind of wise stuff they say, what kind of awe they inflict.

yet, question: why are there teachers? what are they trying to accomplish with all that? awe perhaps? hardly. everyone talking about them? i don't think so.

it's to have everyone be like them, learn to do things they can. does anyone recall a record of say sakyamuni being in awe of something? or going around repeating someone words and thinking of them circularly? these are of no use. to be like a teacher one has to kill the teacher, i.e. give the teacher no more regard than to a sand grain going by the wind. treat the teacher as nothing special in actions and, most importantly, in thoughts. to comprehend the reason behind every word, to doubt it, to question it, to challenge it. otherwise it's chasing phantom with face of a teacher. it's not leading anywhere you've not been already.

it's easily said - kill a teacher, yet how can this be actually done? if teacher is so wise and helps a lot? well, the sun helps well more. do you see many people walking around prising the sun? or thinking how great it is? discussing what kind of wonderful activity it shown last week?

we don't treat the sun as something special. we merely benefit from it. same goes for teachers. benefit from what they do or did. don't put their effort into waste with thinking about them, repeating their words, showing awe and gratitude. being like them is the best gratitude. and this means killing each and every one of them, defeating every of their teachings. all written in this blog included.

good luck.
mickael

no step

i've seen quite few practitioners who know the drill, who see chains of origination, who see the self and can control it, though perhaps not all the time. they are one step from being free, yet free they are not. why?

to be free from there takes one more step. the no step. giant leap without trace of movement. it takes only to recognise that they are already there. they got it. right here, right now. it takes to be a little stupid, little crazy, become someone else for one moment. someone, who you are already. someone, who does not exist. someone who knows nothing of this world. destroy this world and see own death to awaken and see that skies are blue and grass is green.

stop waiting for something. stop thinking of something called 'enlightenment'. there is no such thing. just stretch you hand and grab it. right here. right now. you can do it!

good luck.
mickael

fading self

earlier i wrote of no self. there i wrote of sudden enlightenment. changing point of view for one instant can destroy worlds and create new. this option is available for everyone every moment.

yet how can one take that option? it's more 'riddles' i fear. to take it is just to take it. nothing more is required. though there is one guideline: no self.

a rock has no self. if you dislike rocks, take a cloud, a river, whatever. how can one become a rock? as with many other things, through careful observation and learning.

why would anyone need these meditations and boring prolonged retreats? they are needed exactly because they are boring. these are exercises where 'self' has nothing to do. it fades. especially in regular and prolonged ones. many teachers of the past exhausted themselves with retreats that lasted for months and years. so far i have not seen a record of a human who got free without that kind of effort at all.

thus option of sudden enlightenment is right here and right now. yet, to pick it one has to fade the self. there sure are other exercises, just these boring ones are the simplest. so, get off the computer and go meditate, will you? :)

good luck.
mickael