denial and the saint

we all know of 'good'. it opposes 'evil' and always wins in fairy tales. sometimes it does not in the world we call 'real'. all of us seek to be 'good'. like: 'i meditated for 5 hours today, i'm good'; 'i comprehended that concept, damn i'm good'; 'i put that bastard into place, i did well'; 'i've beaten crap out of him/her, i'm good'. we all got that concept of 'good', though some might view some of our actions as evil. what is the origin of that concept? where does it come from?

i wondered about this matter for some time and it appears to come down to abraham & saint paul. quite likely these are two people who influenced this civilisation the most. communities not touched by ideas started by them are very few.

so, what's about the ideas? they dictate certain rules. these rules indeed are very useful in organising people, that's why the ideas are so successful, yet these same ideas are one of the major limitations on the path.

what if i'm an atheist? name matters little. i was born and lived in the soviet union, an atheist state. it was atheist in name and quite aramic in views and policy. same goes for 'secular' laws in all the 'educated west'.

so, what's so bad about them? nothing. yet they divide this world unto us and them, good and evil. this division is so subtle and taught so deeply that few even think that it might be the case. 'i'm just doing a good thing'.

there is no distinction between most decorated saint, most bloody villain and any of us. yet, we all seem to rather associate with saints than villains. :) duality is our thought. this is what we heard first and during all our life.


so, what's the point today? denial. to be free we have to deny every single one of our thoughts. yet, to do this we have to comprehend the most fundamental trends that drive our thoughts. otherwise these trends drive our thoughts the familiar paths.

good luck.
mickael

nothing special

how often do we hear 'buddha', 'sakyamuni', 'teacher', etc. how often do we hear how great these people were or are, what kind of wise stuff they say, what kind of awe they inflict.

yet, question: why are there teachers? what are they trying to accomplish with all that? awe perhaps? hardly. everyone talking about them? i don't think so.

it's to have everyone be like them, learn to do things they can. does anyone recall a record of say sakyamuni being in awe of something? or going around repeating someone words and thinking of them circularly? these are of no use. to be like a teacher one has to kill the teacher, i.e. give the teacher no more regard than to a sand grain going by the wind. treat the teacher as nothing special in actions and, most importantly, in thoughts. to comprehend the reason behind every word, to doubt it, to question it, to challenge it. otherwise it's chasing phantom with face of a teacher. it's not leading anywhere you've not been already.

it's easily said - kill a teacher, yet how can this be actually done? if teacher is so wise and helps a lot? well, the sun helps well more. do you see many people walking around prising the sun? or thinking how great it is? discussing what kind of wonderful activity it shown last week?

we don't treat the sun as something special. we merely benefit from it. same goes for teachers. benefit from what they do or did. don't put their effort into waste with thinking about them, repeating their words, showing awe and gratitude. being like them is the best gratitude. and this means killing each and every one of them, defeating every of their teachings. all written in this blog included.

good luck.
mickael

no step

i've seen quite few practitioners who know the drill, who see chains of origination, who see the self and can control it, though perhaps not all the time. they are one step from being free, yet free they are not. why?

to be free from there takes one more step. the no step. giant leap without trace of movement. it takes only to recognise that they are already there. they got it. right here, right now. it takes to be a little stupid, little crazy, become someone else for one moment. someone, who you are already. someone, who does not exist. someone who knows nothing of this world. destroy this world and see own death to awaken and see that skies are blue and grass is green.

stop waiting for something. stop thinking of something called 'enlightenment'. there is no such thing. just stretch you hand and grab it. right here. right now. you can do it!

good luck.
mickael

fading self

earlier i wrote of no self. there i wrote of sudden enlightenment. changing point of view for one instant can destroy worlds and create new. this option is available for everyone every moment.

yet how can one take that option? it's more 'riddles' i fear. to take it is just to take it. nothing more is required. though there is one guideline: no self.

a rock has no self. if you dislike rocks, take a cloud, a river, whatever. how can one become a rock? as with many other things, through careful observation and learning.

why would anyone need these meditations and boring prolonged retreats? they are needed exactly because they are boring. these are exercises where 'self' has nothing to do. it fades. especially in regular and prolonged ones. many teachers of the past exhausted themselves with retreats that lasted for months and years. so far i have not seen a record of a human who got free without that kind of effort at all.

thus option of sudden enlightenment is right here and right now. yet, to pick it one has to fade the self. there sure are other exercises, just these boring ones are the simplest. so, get off the computer and go meditate, will you? :)

good luck.
mickael

will to improve

many practitioners seek improvement. 'i will make this world a better place.' 'i will make myself a better person.' 'i will find enlightenment.'


this world lasted since beginningless times. not once it failed to have a dropped rock fall. not once it failed helping in finding happiness. countless humans sought to improve this world. absolute most of them were unhappy. most of them brought more harm than peace with the improvements.

on the other hand sakyamuni and other teachers took little, if any, part in the world life. i don't recall any of them express the will to improve this world.



the idea of improving self is a trap in itself: it implies that there is a better self, to which we are inferior. in zen tradition it is said 'kill a buddha', i. e. dismiss the authority. thinking of a better self first we form up an illusion, then label it as authority. quite unhelpful.



quite a tiny percent of people know what enlightenment is in every time. yet they hardly speak of it. why? because they who don't know start thinking about it, start seeking it. so, they seek something they do not know, yet they imagine it well. they chase an illusion. this way brings no peace.


thus, will to improve is phantom chasing. breath in. breath out. smile :)

good luck.
mickael

freedom

many seek it, yet what exactly is freedom?

i stand under the skies. gravity pulls me down. i dream of a world where i can fly. yet, that world has own laws, which limit. what is a world of no laws? blank paper? it is white and it is flat. limitations are fewer yet they are there.

a thought? yet, thought has its currents, patterns and ways.

no colour, no shape, no sound, no smell, no taste, no thought. it is a no-world. :) there is no place for me, since i would be a limitation then. in a no-world anything is possible, since no limitation present. there's a trick though: it's non existent since existence would be a limitation. thus, while there is existence of anything, no-world can not be gasped. this is a reason many sought to destroy this world and many succeeded. this is the reason afterwards they call this world a world of illusion.

so many limitations we state in the most basic thought patterns. how can we be free? we can not. until we gasp a no-world.

good luck.
mickael

student & master

many of us, who discovered few things, find quite a will to share them. and many of those who try, find the results quite different from expectations. as i have learned again the hard way, quite few of those who believe they are ready to teach actually are ready, which is evident from the results.

so, what's the trick? few rather simple guidelines:

• 3 conditions of a jar and one condition of a buddha. if either of the 2 neglects any one of these conditions, every attempt brings only harm. if this is the case, please stop and explain this to the counterpart or/and oneself. the curious i encourage to carefully observe results of doing otherwise. and remember them well.

• no self/will to help. to help another find peace one has to concentrate on helping and nothing else. no other thought than 'helping' should arise. this is firmly interconnected with the condition above.

• open eyes & learn. every reaction, every particular word matters. if to pay careful attention to them and think of their origin, much can be discovered about oneself and the counterpart, thus ways adapted accordingly. study oneself, study human mind. working with unfamiliar matters is quite difficult.

• take a breath. first reaction far not always is most appropriate. or perhaps it's only me who is slow. :)

thus master seeks to learn the mind and student seeks to forget this world. master seeks to be student and student seeks to be master. otherwise neither learns anything.

am i a student or a master? i don't care. :)

good luck.
mickael

karma

many practitioners see karma as a mystic teaching and put little emphasis on that. so did i. yet, as i discovered, it's quite important.

what is karma? it decides our lives. it is a law a human can not defy. it is a law a buddha can break.

what is it? since it is breakable, it's of our creation. how?

i did a stupid thing. now my friend is bothered. i think of it, thus i am bothered as well. i am no good. what am i to do? when we meet, i can not say right words. i'm no good. it continues until i recognise the err and revert.


karma is a thought. every thought dictates our fate. that is why practice is this moment.

to stop thought is a skill that takes long and thorough effort. yet, to watch thoughts is something anyone can right away. what karma have you built today? perhaps it's the time to change it.

good luck.
mickael